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extracts from "Back on Deck" by Wayne Tickner.
Best described as a motivational self-help booklet and aid to professional counselling, Back on Deck: Coping with Chronic Pain is written in brief, easy to read sections (four of which are reproduced below) and explores the author's journey from being a victim of pain and depression through to finding peace and regaining control of his life. The message from "Back on Deck" is clear, that "with the right information and the right attitude life can be good again, in spite of ongoing pain"...
Back on Deck: Coping with Chronic Pain is aimed at people with back pain, but its advice will be valued by anyone suffering chronic pain.
Wayne's Place - Wayne's website includes "Facing up to Back Injuries"
One of the frustrating aspects of chronic pain from back injury is the invisibility of the condition itself. It seems to me that the harder one tries to conceal the pain and get on with life, the more one is susceptible to ridicule. A situation which worried me deeply until I learned how to deal with it.
The labelling of people with back injuries as bludgers or malingerers was commonplace throughout my working life, I guess largely due to a lack of community awareness on the subject.
The majority of information relating to back injuries bandied around both in the media and in the work place seems mainly concerned with injury prevention, yet little if any information is passed on about the debilitating and painful consequences of seriously injuring one's back.
I feel that back care education programmes could benefit greatly by including information regarding the long term effects and consequences of sustaining such an injury. Increased public awareness of post injury problems may not only prevent more injuries, but may also go a long way toward improving the lot of the already afflicted.
At varying stages of my recovery I often worried about what people thought of me. Would they think I was a bludger if they saw my wife mowing the yard? Would they think I was malingering if I mowed it myself"...so when my wife mowed the yard I felt worthless, yet to mow it myself brought on feelings of guilt.
Inner conflict seemed to plague even the simplest of decisions, should I help carry the groceries? Should I help with the gardening? Dare I smile and be happy when the pain isn't bad?
The answer to many of these unspoken questions lay in gaining control over my unreasonable thoughts. By placing too much importance on the thoughts of others I was empowering them to influence my own thoughts and actions to my detriment.
I had to learn that I have a right to be happy when the pain isn't bad, I have a right to do as I please within my limits of pain, and I have a right to live life as normally as possible.
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Pain is a very personal thing, it's also relative to the individual. And there are many influences which govern the amount of pain we are able to bear and cope with. So it's important to deal with pain from a holistic point of view if we are to be stuck with it for life.
Our living environment can be considered, is my bed straight and firm? Do I have a suitable chair? Is there something I can do to make my environment more pleasing and comfortable to live in? Are close family relationships going well or could we benefit from counselling?
Becoming aware of the things that annoy us and making the necessary changes can significantly increase our tolerance to pain.
Make the items you use most, both in and around the home, readily accessible to reduce bending and stretching. Wear well-padded shoes and dress to make yourself feel good. If travelling is a problem try a lumbar support and stop regularly to stretch and walk around. It may take longer to get where you're going but it's better than not going anywhere at all.
We all need a social life and with a little planning and perseverance we can still have one. Accept that wedding invitation, visit a friend or relative, take your partner out to dinner, make the effort. But plan to rest before you venture out, time oral analgesia to suit the occasion, and remember you need only stay out as long as you wish.
Looking at our lives as a whole and making changes to suit our needs can give us a totally new disposition to live and cope with chronic pain.
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I mentioned earlier the importance of reassessing our values and beliefs in order to move on. I lived quite well with my value system before I was injured, even though I had some terrible double standards.
For example, it was OK' for me to help others whilst neither expecting nor wanting repayment, then I would enjoy the good feelings which come from freely giving of ourselves. But when somebody gave me help, I denied them those same good feelings by insisting on repaying them in some way.
This simple double standard caused me an enormous amount of inner turmoil throughout my periods of incapacitation. It exaggerated my feelings of helplessness out of all proportion.
I remember one day in Blackwater when I was bed ridden. I could hear someone mowing our lawn and I asked my wife, Maggie, who it was. "It's Noel", she said. "Did you ask him to mow for us", I asked? "No" she said, "He's just doing it of his own accord".
Noel was a friend of mine from work and I remember laying there wondering how the hell I was going to pay him back.
The lawn really needed mowing and it was a stinking hot day so I said to Maggie, "maybe you should buy a carton of beer later and drop it around to Noel for mowing the lawn".
And that's what she did. But when Maggie returned and told me what had happened I was devastated. Apparently Noel was both embarrassed and offended by my gesture of thanks. I had insulted him by way of my old double standard. I hadn't realised that Noel didn't want the carton of beer, or any other repayment, he wanted simply to help a friend in need.
The reason for this double standard of mine was rooted in my past. I'd adopted the belief that if I don't ask for anything, and I pay for all I get, then I will never owe anybody anything. It gives a whole new meaning to the term "debt free" doesn't it.
Living by such rules may, or may not, have been wise when I was well, but at this point in my life they had become quite inappropriate. For now I am often in need of help and I can always repay peoples' kindness.
Something had to be changed lest I die from the guilts or be bankrupt, and that something was my attitude toward asking for, and accepting help.
To me, dysfunctional beliefs are nothing more than bad habits which need to be broken in order to survive and be happy. But how does one go about it.
Well for me it was a case of remembering the way I felt when I genuinely helped someone. It felt good, my self esteem was boosted and I felt a sense of accomplishment and self respect.
Then I thought, how could I rob someone of that, especially a friend. How could I insult them by trying to put a price on their goodwill? The word empathy springs to mind, but it's more than a word, it's a quality. It's the ability to look at things from the other persons point of view.
Another way of looking at this is to appreciate that many of our relatives and friends can feel powerless to help us when we are in pain. They may sincerely wish to rid us of it forever, but they cannot. So then, it is up to us to ask them for help when we need it, and to accept their help when it is given. And in this way we might help each other.
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As I became more confident with coping skills and long after I'd finished rehab, in the formal sense, I remembered something a rehab counsellor had once asked me to consider. She asked me to try to see some good in all that had happened to me. I thought she was off her rocker at the time, but more recently I've begun to understand what she really meant.
For example, the personal growth which can come from adversity, and I've been given a chance to know my children as I hadn't known them before. I've learned to know and appreciate myself as a person. I've been able to explore new interest and hobbies. I have a deeper appreciation of my wife and our relationship. And the list goes on.
I believe there were two good reasons for my not being able to see the good earlier and they were: I was very pessimistic due to constant depression, and the good was still in the making.
When I was depressed I concentrated on the negative which made it almost impossible for the good to occur, but as I learned and applied coping skills to counter depression, other aspects of my life started to improve.
This was the good in the making. Me and my pain were slowly taking the back seat to what life still had to offer. So I guess my rehab counsellor was right, some good had come from my ordeal, its just taken time for me to see it.
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© Wayne Tickner 1997; ISBN - 0 646 33041 1
Published by: Wayne Tickner, 63 Edward St, Nth Rockhampton, Qld 4701
Available from: Wayne Tickner, 63 Edward St, North Rockhampton, Qld
4701
Phone: (07) 49 272269
E-mail: wayne@waynesitsupport.com
Price: $6 per copy (price includes P+H within Australia)
Discounts available for bulk orders
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